I ruin everything. And if I can't destroy it; I will walk away from it. Abandon whatever good is left.
I've not been feeling well, not eating well, and now treating my lover less than kindly. After talking to my BFF I feel like I may not be over-reacting. It always feels better to talk to her. Justified.
And somehow I feel like staying.
In my attempt to regain control, I took an honest inventory of our finances. I know exactly how much money we owe, how much we spend, and how much we earn. I thought this would calm down my racing anxieties. But shockingly - (sarcasm) - it did not. And now I'm doing that thing again where I am taking inventory of how many calories I eat.
So, let us begin. All over again...
This is exhausting but somehow comforting, like coming home to your criticizing mother. Familiar.
This is all I can write for now.